Shakespeare works given a chav-speak makeover

Jun 8 2008 By Lorne Jackson

SHAKESPEARE isn't merely the greatest writer to hail from the Midlands - he's the finest scribe the English language has known.

But that doesn't mean he's popular with youngsters.

Most teenagers think the bard is no great Shakes.

Now that's about to change, because the Elizabethan playwright's finest works have been updated and given a modern twist.

Comic author, Martin Baum, has written a guide to Shakespeare for teens, replacing classic words like 'thee' and 'thou' with the likes of 'fings', 'jiggy-jiggy' and 'sexy bitch'.

Suddenly Hamlet has turned into Ali G.

'To Be Or Not To Be, Innit' is bound to have the scholars screeching.

But Martin claims he's attempting to resuscitate interest in the Stratford poet.

"Kids find Shakespeare very long-winded," he says. "Furthermore it's difficult for them to understand what's going on.

"The English language has changed a lot in the last few years, with texting and street-slang.

"All I've tried to do is make Shakespeare more accessible for a younger audience.

"And I think I've achieved what I set out to do."

But is the book in the spirit of the Bard? After all, the playwright didn't earn his reputation because of his plots, which were often borrowed from other sources.

It is the rich and fluid language which has allowed him to stand out.

Replace those famous words and all that's left is a smattering of sword fights and a pile of dead kings.

Martin disagrees. "I think Shakespeare is always evolving to suit the times," he counters. "I first became interested in his work in 1979, when I saw a Jonathan Miller production of Hamlet.

"Miller started off in comedy along with people like Dudley Moore and Peter Cooke, and he really brought that sense of anarchy to his Hamlet. I remember at one point, the Prince Of Denmark goosed one of the females in the show.

"That's when I first realised you could bend Shakespeare and make him modern."

In his book, Martin summarises 14 of the best known plays, using a range of words which could have been spat from the mouth of a gangsta rapper.

He has also given the plays fresh titles. Romeo and Juliet is Romeo And His Fit B***h, Jools.

All's Well That End's Well is All's Sweet That Ends Sweet, Innit.

But would Shakespeare have approved? "Probably not," laughs Martin. "I think, in nature, he was probably very like a rap star.

"It's clear from what we know of him and his writing that he had one hell of an ego.

"In fact, I'd say he was probably an ego-maniac and wouldn't have liked anyone interfering with his work.

"If you read the words he wrote for his tomb, they are actually a curse on anybody who dared touch his bones.

"That kind of machismo is what you would expect from a major hip-hop artist.

"You know, 'Don't mess with me, dude.'

"I think Shakespeare would have also made a great writer of soap operas. He was a very modern man, and would have easily fitted into the twenty first century."

Martin is also a man of his time, as his book proves.

The Dorset based author, who also writes for stand-up comedians and magazines, is 48 years old.

Yet it's clear that he understands teen-talk.

No doubt it's made easier by the fact that he has a thirteen year old son, Josh.

"He made sure that I didn't take the street language too far," says Martin. "I think Josh is very proud of the book. He even took it into school to show the other kids. They were like bees round a honey pot. Hopefully that means, for the first time, they're really enjoying the works of William Shakespeare."

To Be or Not to Be, Innit is published by Bright Pen, £4.99.