http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/ sundaymercury en-gb Sunday Mercury no sundaymercury IC NETWORK http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/16/i-outfoxed-the-whizz-kid-who-wouldn-t-stop-talking-about-blackberries-66331-22266573/ Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/16/i-outfoxed-the-whizz-kid-who-wouldn-t-stop-talking-about-blackberries-66331-22266573/ I think that means I’ve got to take pictures, as well. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/16/who-needs-to-shop-online-when-there-s-a-dominoes-nearby-66331-22266574/ Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/16/who-needs-to-shop-online-when-there-s-a-dominoes-nearby-66331-22266574/ “QUICK, quick,” shouted Julie, peering through the gap in the net curtains. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/16/chopsticks-hold-key-to-good-health-66331-22266575/ Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/16/chopsticks-hold-key-to-good-health-66331-22266575/ OUR GP’s hit me with a bit of a bombshell. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/16/son-s-snogging-ruined-match-of-the-day-66331-22266576/ Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/16/son-s-snogging-ruined-match-of-the-day-66331-22266576/ wARRIVED home last night to discover my son and his girlfriend sprawled on our sofa. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/09/lockley-plenty-of-bright-sparks-in-our-house-66331-22211735/ Sun, 09 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/09/lockley-plenty-of-bright-sparks-in-our-house-66331-22211735/ EVERY evening I wander through our house switching lights off, which irks me greatly. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/09/teaching-my-son-to-drive-is-worse-than-being-caught-short-in-shropshire-66331-22211736/ Sun, 09 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/09/teaching-my-son-to-drive-is-worse-than-being-caught-short-in-shropshire-66331-22211736/ Teaching my son http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/09/valium-s-the-new-answer-for-diy-66331-22211737/ Sun, 09 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/09/valium-s-the-new-answer-for-diy-66331-22211737/ Valium’s the http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/09/lockley-allegedly-you-have-to-be-mentally-ill-to-find-me-attractive-66331-22211738/ Sun, 09 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/09/lockley-allegedly-you-have-to-be-mentally-ill-to-find-me-attractive-66331-22211738/ w.BOMBSHELL news that I was ‘eyed-up’ by a Latin lovely during a recent working trip to Italy has concerned Julie. Friends claim I should not have told my wife, but we have no secrets: she’s too good at going through my pockets. Thankfully, I managed to thwart the unwelcome advances before things got really serious... before I had to buy a round. After weighing up the pros and cons, Julie has concluded any woman who finds me attractive must harbour mental health issues. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/09/packet-of-salt-and-vinegar-sends-me-into-mental-meltdown-66331-22211883/ Sun, 09 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/09/packet-of-salt-and-vinegar-sends-me-into-mental-meltdown-66331-22211883/ EVERY evening I wander through our house switching lights off, which irks me greatly. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/03/crunch-means-end-of-crunchy-snacks-66331-22172385/ Mon, 03 Nov 2008 10:33:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/03/crunch-means-end-of-crunchy-snacks-66331-22172385/ Bloody credit crunch. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/03/thirty-buttons-on-the-remote-and-i-can-t-change-the-channel-66331-22172382/ Mon, 03 Nov 2008 10:32:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/03/thirty-buttons-on-the-remote-and-i-can-t-change-the-channel-66331-22172382/ New technology has finally cast me asunder. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/03/biggest-bonfire-i-d-ever-seen-66331-22172381/ Mon, 03 Nov 2008 10:30:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/03/biggest-bonfire-i-d-ever-seen-66331-22172381/ Got a leaflet through the door urging me to check for hedgehogs before Bonfire night celebrations. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/03/halloween-s-a-great-time-for-blackmail-66331-22172361/ Mon, 03 Nov 2008 10:26:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/11/03/halloween-s-a-great-time-for-blackmail-66331-22172361/ Trick or treating was extremely beneficial to the Lockleys this year. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/10/25/mike-lockley-women-still-ignore-me-66331-22116870/ Sat, 25 Oct 2008 13:58:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/10/25/mike-lockley-women-still-ignore-me-66331-22116870/ WHEN it comes to the fairer sex, I’ve still got it. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/10/18/lockley-mickey-mouse-tie-and-other-car-boot-delights-66331-22064685/ Sat, 18 Oct 2008 15:14:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/10/18/lockley-mickey-mouse-tie-and-other-car-boot-delights-66331-22064685/ JUST look at this tat. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/10/18/lockley-our-version-of-hamlet-was-truly-terrible-66331-22064690/ Fri, 17 Oct 2008 23:00:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/10/18/lockley-our-version-of-hamlet-was-truly-terrible-66331-22064690/ Our amateur dramatic society’s version of Hamlet was so bad the audience booed. It was all too much for Mrs Mortimer who yelled at the hecklers: “Don’t blame us - we didn’t write this rubbish.” http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/10/06/lockley-i-cried-when-the-barman-called-last-orders-66331-21972471/ Mon, 06 Oct 2008 07:11:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/10/06/lockley-i-cried-when-the-barman-called-last-orders-66331-21972471/ My mate returned from a spot of sea fishing to find his wife waiting in a skimpy negligé and primed for a night of passion. “Not now, Maureen,” he snapped, spilling his slippery catch onto the kitchen table. “I’ve got a haddock.” http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/09/29/lockley-curse-the-salesman-66331-21921170/ Mon, 29 Sep 2008 06:22:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/09/29/lockley-curse-the-salesman-66331-21921170/ WHEN I was a child the only people who flogged things on your doorstep were gypsies with bunches of lucky heather. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/09/15/lockley-oap-s-kicked-out-of-post-office-for-sherry-binge-66331-21821299/ Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:42:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/09/15/lockley-oap-s-kicked-out-of-post-office-for-sherry-binge-66331-21821299/ “WOULD you sign our petition condemning proposals to close this branch?” asked sub-postmistress Mrs Bennett, thrusting a dog-eared paper under the counter’s glass partition. http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/09/08/lockley-confessions-of-our-retiring-milkman-66331-21700739/ Mon, 08 Sep 2008 07:07:00 GMT http://www.sundaymercury.net/news/columnists/mike-lockley/2008/09/08/lockley-confessions-of-our-retiring-milkman-66331-21700739/ “AS you know,” boomed the Major during a hurriedly called meeting at the Assembly Rooms, “Pete the Milkman is retiring after serving this parish for close on half-a-century.