Home News Columnists Mike Lockley

Lockley: Another speech at the WI

ANOTHER week, another ‘guest speaker’ engagement.Read

Lockley: Wife is feline neglected

A DARK cloud hangs over Chateau Lockley after my wife’s accusation that I pay our cats, Kightly and Keogh, greater attention than her.Read

Lockley: War - what is it good for? Well teaching me Geography for starters

IT was Edwin Starr who once asked: “War – what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.”Read

Lockley: I mistook neighbour's dog for a polar bear

FOR some weeks, our boiler gave off an asthmatic, wheezing sound akin to a death rattle.Read

Lockley: I mistook neighbour's dog for a polar bear

FOR some weeks, our boiler gave off an asthmatic, wheezing sound akin to a death rattle.Read

Lockley: War - what is it good for? Well teaching me Geography for starters

IT was Edwin Starr who once asked: “War – what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.”Read

Mike Lockley: My bus journey with Gary - the expert on nutters

The peculiar thing about our public transport system is, no matter what time of day, someone always tries to board a bus clutching a can of lager.Read

Mike Lockley: You can keep your therapy

I USED to know someone who suffered from both paranoia and low self-esteem.Read

The Mike Lockley Column: March 7th

LET me make one thing perfectly clear. I have nothing against gypsies.Read

Mike Lockley: The wife has put me on rations

IN a bid to fund a ‘combi-boiler’ and new, bespoke bathroom, my wife has taken a leaf out of the Government’s books and introduced severe financial rationing.Read

Mike Lockley: Company training - there's no getting out of it!

AFTER dodging company training courses for five years, I’ve finally been forced to attend tomorrow’s workshop.Read

Mike Lockley: Welcome back Simon Bates

I WELCOME the return of velvet-voiced former Radio One star Simon Bates, now Smooth Radio’s breakfast DJ.Read

Mike Lockley: Blue Peter tortoise advice has left Colin scarred

“THAT film of the woman bunging that cat in a wheelie bin,” whispered Colin, scanning the bar-room for eavesdroppers, “brought it all back.”Read

Noisy rock show raises the roofs!

LAST year it was the V Festival. So, how come last weekend wasn’t the VI Festival?Read

Sniffing out a profit as villagers invade Antiques Roadshow

THE line of residents, clutching an assortment of junk that, on any other day, would have been left anonymously on the doorstep of our sole charity shop, snaked over the stately home’s manicured lawn.Read

Doctor’s diagnosed another illness... hypochondria

“NEXT time,” said the doctor, casting a world-weary glance in my direction, “we ask you to bring a sample, perhaps you’d be kind enough to clean-out the chocolate spread jar first.”Read

Mike Lockley: Wife wants a conga at my funeral I DON’T want my funeral to be a sad occasion.more
Mike Lockley: Gun from police is not what I had in mind OH joyous day! At last the police have relented and given we community-minded members of Neighbourhood Watch the ‘teeth’ to combat what little crime there is in our rural backwater.more

Mike Lockley: House clearance with a difference

THIS doesn’t feel right, I whispered while delicately placing another fragile bone china item, clothed in newspaper, in one of the many cardboard boxes scattered on the floor.Read

Mike Lockley: Danny's ashes to top the bill in a fete worse than death THERE was a good reason why the plug was pulled on our village carnival 15 years ago. It stank.more

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