No mates on Facebook

Mar 8 2009 by Mike Lockley, Sunday Mercury

When he wasn’t doing the above, he was grunting like a pig.

He’s been in touch.

He’s became a big noise in the world of banking – the only one who grunted loudly during board meetings, I presume.

I briefly opened my internet portal to him.

“Mike,” he gushed, “still married to Sally (I haven’t a clue who Sally is). We have three lovely children and split our time between an apartment in Zurich and family home in the Cotswolds.”

He added: “Do you remember that fab skiing break in ‘73? lol. Those were the days.”

“Not really,” I replied, “but I’ll never forget that school trip to Dudley Zoo when that ape flung his excrement at you. Wasn’t his dung orange?”

Funny, but the chap hasn’t been in touch since. Won’t hear from him again, you can bank on it.