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Mike Lockley: Righteousness is massively overrated RIGHTEOUSNESS is massively overrated. Not worth the asking price, frankly. more
Mike Lockley: A right Royal celebration THERE’S a tale, apocryphal no doubt, involving a royal visit to Iran many, many years ago.more
i've told the brunette next door there's a drought, but she won't share her bath with me I WATCHED a harrowing documentary on drought in Africa last night. Deep fissures pitted the barren clay soil, the unforgiving landscape was studded with skeletons of livestock overcome by the furnace conditions, and there were lots of flies.more
Death traps around the house and garden - it's more dangerous than the Vietnam war I USED to live next to a very odd Polish gentleman whose garden shimmered with the spectacularly bright hues of plastic flowers.more
Mike Lockley: Boys will be boys and girls will be girls - that's what I've always believed I LEANED forward, cast conspiratorial glances at fellow drinkers before revealing the shocking image on my camera.more
Mike Lockley column: You have to use those little grey cells to get your own statue in Belgium SORRY for not texting while in Belgium. There’s a reason: I was rolling drunk.more
Mike Lockley: Parasites at the NHS making a comeback MAGGOTS, I discovered this week, are making a comeback in modern medicine.more
Mike Lockley: Growing old without dignity AGE is bloody unforgiving. Undignified to boot. more

Mike Lockley: Blowing hot and cold on climate change

ROUND these parts, they can tell the time simply by staring at the sun. I can’t. I can’t make out the numbers.Read

Mike Lockley: The decorator and his mate waltzed off with my hard earned cash INTERESTING trousers, I smirked, pointing at the decorator’s elaborate flares. “Would those be sequins?”more
Mike Lockley: It's either a pint after work or a car and a cruise MY wife, in a fit of pique, has calculated the amount of money I spend on alcohol each month.more

Lockley: Major police hunt as a master criminal escapes our village beat bobbies

THE stench of suspicion mingles with pungent agricultural aromas following news that The Major – known on the street as, er, The Major – has slipped police custody.Read

Mike Lockley Column: Huntsmen would do better looking for foxes in fast food restaurants

I HAVE told the hunt, in no uncertain terms, that the invitation to ride with them, then write a glowing article ‘destroying the many myths’ goes beyond the pale.Read

Mike Lockley: The truth behind big black cat sightings is revealed

SO now we know. The big black cat spotted lurking in woodland only a stone’s throw from Chateau Lockley is, in all probability, a big cat called Whiskers.Read

Mike Lockley: I haven't shed a tear for my Facebook friend North Korean president Kim Jong-il

CALL me hard-hearted, but I’ve not shed a single tear over the demise of North Korean president Kim Jong-il.Read

Mike Lockley: Cigarette warnings are costing a packet

I BELIEVE parents should rail against those ads that involve a host of lisping children pleading: “Please don’t smoke, dad/mom/grandma because I worry you might get cancer and die.”Read

Mike Lockley: Haunted by a terrifying Ghost of Christmas Past – in 70s platform heels!

I TREMBLED, covering my face with the duvet and mumbled: “I know what you are.Read

Lockley: A drunken tour around Kent’s Shepherd Neame brewery

JUST had a fascinating tour of Kent’s Shepherd Neame brewery, an establishment that has been providing ale for 850 years.Read

Mike Lockley: I have joined Facebook

THE unthinkable has happened. I’ve become a member of the Facebook community.Read

Lockley: Radio DJ wants me to meet the Grim Reaper live on air

UNION official Red Trev Trotsky handed me the Samurai sword, the words ‘Death Of Local Journalism’ etched into its gleaming blade.Read

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