Lorne Jackson: They really do grow up fast!

Sep 7 2010

I’M struggling to recover from a disaster that is infecting my personal life. Ben has started school for the first time.

My son is enthused by the situation, though his mother and I view it as a mighty betrayal.

A betrayal by the clock on the wall.

Is it any wonder that clocks and bombs share the same ticking noise? Both warn of destruction.

Perhaps destruction is too strong a word.

But when Ben’s mum took the obligatory photograph of him wearing his uniform for the first time on Thursday morning, it really did feel like Al Qaeda had strapped incendiary devices to the foundations of our home.

Everything went a bit wobbly – including mummy’s lip.

Thousands of parents in the Midlands shared the same thought last week: “Where did the time go?” And, yes, it is a cliché. Just like the stale remark: “They grow up so fast!”

But there is a very good reason why “they grow up so fast” has become such a cornball comment.

Because they grow up so fast.

It’s trite because it’s true, though the strangeness of the concept only hits you when your own child first wears grey trousers and a grey jumper.

Going to school is the end of the beginning.

That’s not to say it’s the first big change in a child’s life. Every day is evolution. A minute is monumental.

Various characters have lived under my roof during the last four and a half years. All share the name Ben.

Ben The First was a clone of Top Gear’s Stig.

Mystery

In other words, a man of mystery. Nobody knew exactly who he was, or what he was capable of.

(Though, unlike the Stig, Ben never released an autobiography disclosing his identity, before being dragged into a protracted lawsuit by the BBC.)

Once my son grew bored being enigmatic and unfathomable, he took on his next identity.