Jackson: The world will run out of websites

Sep 29 2008

IT had to happen. The world will soon run out of websites.

The father of the internet, Vint Cerf, says there will be no more net addresses by 2010.

Which gives me just enough time to set up a few of my own.

Here they are.

And remember, hands off! These little beauties are mine now.

1. www.legoveramywinehouse.co.uk

This site gives ardent young fellows the chance to date Britain’s obscene queen of blues and bloody needles.

Blokes are awarded points for various attributes.

Plus points go to junkies, jail birds, tattooists and foppish hat wearers.

Points are deducted for men with careers, impeccable manners and their own spending money.

2. www.putallyerdoshrighthere.com

The major banks have proved to be flops when it comes to looking after our cash.

I wouldn’t trust them with Monopoly money or chocolate pennies.

Luckily this site allows web heads to send me their savings, which I then invest in copious amounts of booze and a visit to the local casino.

Sounds crazy?

It’s got to be safer than putting your dough in a high street bank.

3. www.bonzai-politics.com

A site for stripping away all the waffle from political debate.

Instead of boring speeches and incomprehensible manifestos, this will give browsers the thrifty facts.

For example, last week’s Labour Party Conference would be summarised with three words.

Help! Help! Help!

And the Tory Conference here in Birmingham? I’d up-load images of Blofeld stroking a white cat – and chuckling diabolically.

‘Cos world domination starts in Brum...

4. www.getalife.com

Simple website, this. Contains instructions on how to switch off the computer you’re working on, and do something useful, instead.

Like attending the Tory Party Conference in Brum...

Um, on second thoughts, maybe everybody would be better off surfing the web for porn.

After all, nudity is always preferable to naked ambition.

5. www.grovelbeforememyhumblesubjects.co.uk

An excellent site for hard-core fans of my Sunday Mercury column.

Allows my many disciples to write in and gush about how much they adore my work.

Although the editor’s suggested the site should be called www.whydon’tyoupackitin.co.uk.

What ever can he mean?