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Andy Murray is back to being a Scottish flop

IN the words of the movie: “Houston, we have a problem.” Read

Lorne Jackson: Michael Jackson was a sad Peter Pan of pop MY OTHER half, Riki, is convinced that our three year-old son Ben is a genius of Einsteinian proportions. more

MPs cannot hide the truth about their expenses greed

“He reached a much higher plane of creativity the following day when he blacked out everything in the letters but a, an, and the. That erected more dynamic intralinear tensions, he felt, and in just about every case left a message far more universal.” Read

Britain doesn't give a XXXX about Gordon Ramsay

AUSTRALIANS are a slow bunch, aren’t they? Read

Gordon Brown's doomed because he snubbed Arctic Monkeys

SO when did you realise Gordon Brown wasn’t up to the job? Read

Britain’s got talent, but it’s not for anything useful

I KNOW it’s too late for this year, but for 2010, could we change the name of Britain’s Got Talent? Read

Danielle Lloyd needs to give up chasing footballers

wDANIELLE Lloyd, the professional footballer fondler, has been attacked for the second time in a month, while visiting a nightclub. Read

Julie Kirkbride needs to buy a hairbrush

1In the meltdown of Julie Kirkbride’s career, a key point has been missed. Read

Sunday used to be sacred - and so boring

WORKING for a big city newspaper wasn’t my first career – I used to have a more respectable trade. Read

Reasons why football's the new religion

AS I say, it’s not only those final few worshippers who are crouching down in prayer. The entire Christian faith in this country is on its knees. Read

Quinn's got more chance on Broad Street than Broadway

wMOON-faced man-child Ray Quinn claims that because he won Dancing On Ice, he will soon have a Stateside career. Read

No anarchy in the UK

INDUSTRIALIST Henry Ford, said: “Failure is just the opportunity to begin again. This time more intelligently.” Read

Joke to call David 'Del Boy' Jason a racist

DAVID Jason is guilty – guilty as sin. Read

Alternatives to Mother's Day

AND so, it’s Mother’s Day... again. Read

The Jackson 5

WHAT is happening with Kerry Katona and her on-off boyfriend, Mark Croft? Read

Why Julie Myerson is wrong to reveal her son's drug habit

TODAY’S little essay is about art and exploitation. Sophisticated stuff, I’m sure you’ll agree. Read

Manchester United star's ham-fisted handbag antics

WHAT is wrong with our current crop of professional footballers? Read

How the American version of Coronation Street could look

WITH British movie Slumdog Millionaire cleaning up at the Oscars, hopes are riding high that a UK invasion of Hollywood is imminent. Read

My Dictionary For Tomorrow

RESEARCH at the university of Reading has identified a handful of modern words that have changed so little in tens of thousands of years that ancient hunter-gatherers would probably have used them, just like us. Read

Bankers and politicians to blame for the Credit Crunch

THE embarrassing truth was that even though I was in my mid-twenties, I remained a virgin. Read

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