Aston Villa Theme Park: Holte on tight!

Sep 5 2009 By Mat Kendrick

FOLLOWING Spanish giants Real Madrid’s ambitious proposals to open their own theme park, I have uncovered secret plans for Aston Villa to launch their own claret and blue adventure centre....

Welcome to Aston Towers, voted England’s sixth best attraction for the last two years.

Looking for fun for all the family? Then keep your wits about you and head to Witton for a day out with a difference.

Invest in a season ticket and our special Peter Withe wristband will guarantee entry to the park and tons of fun throughout the year.

Aston Towers is the perfect place to cheer, jeer, chant or rant.

Nicky Shoreys must note that height restrictions do apply on many rides. For last minute deals - consider it Dunne.

Here is a list of our most popular attractions...

The Big John

Similar to Blackpool Pleasure Beach’s The Big One, The Big John is one of the tallest of its kind in Europe. Despite its stupendous structure it’s deceptively faster than a rocket. In fact, like a trip to The Rocket the excitement happens in a flash.

Loved by those with a head for heights or their feet on the ground, The Big John sometimes goes off the tracks, but remains a firm favourite.

Randy Rapids

To enjoy this novel American themed ride, Villa thrill-seekers must stay afloat on Lerner Modules.

The Premier League lagoon has been drained of water and replaced with dollar bills. Dare you splash the cash for a dry run to a top four finish?

Please note, over £40 million has been spent developing this attraction over the past few months and experts claim it is now stronger than before.

(This is a replacement for our continental Vienna Rapids ride which was closed down prematurely because the operators were half-soaked.

Tickets are redeemable on the League Cup Flume, for one night only).

The Haunted Holte