Joan fails to shine in Dick Whittington at Birmingham Hippodrome

Dec 26 2010 by Roz Laws, Sunday Mercury

DICK WHITTINGTON at Birmingham Hippodrome

JOAN Collins may be trying something new by making her panto debut, but much about this production feels old and, sadly, tired.

Keith Harris does an act from 30 years ago, Joan harps on about Dynasty and Cinzano and there’s even a reference to the 1981 film Chariots of Fire.

If it wasn’t for jungle jokes about Nigel Havers’ part in I’m A Celebrity, we might feel we were back in the 1980s.

Nigel plays the King Rat Blake, henpecked by his wife Alexis (Joan). She may have attracted plenty of pre-publicity, but her role in the actual panto is minimal.

“What is the purpose of your visit here today?” Queen Rat is asked by the Sultan, voicing what we’re all wondering.

She’s only on stage for a total of about 20 minutes. She seems to have trouble remembering what few lines she has (and walking down stairs, understandable at 78) and isn’t very evil.

I will give her the benefit of the doubt, as she was clearly not well and went off sick the following day.

I hope she gets well soon, but even on better form she is still upstaged by a green duck and by a far more bitchy queen in the shape of Julian Clary, who has all the best lines and outfits – seven sequinned and feathered numbers to Joan’s three.